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‘8 valuable lessons I learnt during my divorce’

An author shares what she has learnt from her own experience and from coaching others
divorce

 

Having experienced the challenges of a divorce, Stacey Lewis has dedicated herself to helping and supporting others through the divorce process. This is facilitated through her website, through coaching and now through her first book, Divorce 101: Survive & Thrive. This uplifting book shares Stacey’s journey and lessons learnt. It also contains key chapters from experts such as life coaches, psychologists and attorneys who deal in family law. Here are the lessons she learnt from her divorce:

  1. I learnt that in order to move forwards and create a good life, I needed to learn to let go of the picture of how I thought my life would turn out.
  2. I learnt that we cannot always choose what happens to us. Specifically, in my case, my divorce was unexpected and definitely unwanted. I learnt that despite the fact that we have no choice, we can choose the way in which we move forwards and create a future for ourselves.
  3. I learnt that life does not always go according to plan … and that’s okay.
  4. I learnt that I am much stronger than I ever realised and that there is huge personal power that can be claimed from healing from an adverse situation.
  5. I learnt that sometimes life presents us with ‘gifts wrapped in sandpaper’. What this means is that sometimes, within an adverse, traumatic or difficult situation, we can be presented with our greatest gift … even if it does not initially resemble a gift. After my divorce, I managed to heal and rediscover myself. In fact, my whole life has been transformed as a result of my divorce. I discovered new talents I never even knew I had, I met amazing people I may not have met otherwise and I changed career paths. Today, I live my passion every single day.
  6. I learnt that ‘this too shall pass’. I learnt that nothing is permanent … not good and not bad. I learnt to treasure the good times, for they are not forever either. I learnt to ‘hang in there’ through the bad times, as those pass too.
  7. I learnt that it is okay to accept support. In fact, it’s absolutely essential to be able to ask for help. Prior to my divorce, I considered myself to be somewhat of a superwoman – I was determined to ‘do it on my own’. Through my divorce and my subsequent breakdown, I was forced into accepting assistance. It actually turned out to be a liberating experience when I realised that I didn’t have to do it all on my own.
  8. I learnt that wishing for karmic justice is a complete waste of time. Healing from a divorce and creating a good life requires energy and focus. Energy is better spent creating happiness and a good life, rather than fixating on revenge for a perceived wrongdoer. Anyway, the best revenge is massive success and happiness.

For more advice from and articles by Stacey click here.

 

READ MORE:

9 things divorce experts wish you knew before you got married

What not to say to someone getting divorced

South Africa’s divorce rates higher than ever

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