1. Be the biggest member of his fan club
Dr Mamphela Ramphele, author of Conversations With My Sons And Daughters (Penguin Book), leader of political platform Agang and mother of two sons
Raising a good man starts with giving birth, pouring love all over him and insisting on him being respectful of those caring for him rather than taking them for granted. It’s about building his self-confidence by demanding the best from him because he is a good man. It’s all about setting high standards, supporting his achievement and praising every success over and over again, and being his unconditional fan!’
2. The starting point is kindness
David O’Sullivan, radio presenter and father of two sons
British journalist Julie Burchill wrote that meanness was the halitosis of the soul. She was referring to being stingy, but the comment applies equally to another definition of meanness – a spiteful or malicious act. To hopefully ensure my boys grow into good men, I’m teaching them that their souls must be – to extend Burchill’s analogy – minty fresh. A kind soul understands respect and earns it, while confidence and moral fortitude are natural by-products.
3. Tell boys they are unique; teach them to value themselves
Alison Botha, survivor, subject of I Have Life: Alison’s Journey as Told to Marianne Thamm (Penguin Books) and mother of two sons
I think part of the problem with some men is that they’ve grown up being made to feel that they are not worthy. They’re raised without self-value. I believe that we need to teach boys that everyone has unique talents. When I fought to live after being savagely attacked 18 years ago, I kept thinking of my mother, who made me feel worthy enough to get up. I teach my boys they’re not islands, and that their actions affect others.
4. Communication and honesty help to forge a deep, underlying respect
Helen Zille, Western Cape premier and mother of two sons
What has always amazed me is that my sons were born the people that they are. We sought to set an example for them every step of the way, but so much of who they are was there from the start. My husband has been an outstanding role model to his sons as a man, a father and a citizen. I have tried to do my bit. We both had very demanding careers and we have always been grateful for the support of our committed domestic helper, Grace Voyiya Mputing, who loves my children as she loves her own.
Our sons are adults now, but that’s only half the journey. I’m sure they will prove to be excellent role models for their own families one day.
5. You have to set an example
Yusuf Abramjee, head of news and current affairs at Primedia Broadcasting, head of Crime Line, lead SA activist and father of two sons
We believe in open communication in our family to understand our sons’ point of view and advise them. The Muslim faith encourages in them good and honest behaviour. They are also exposed to a wider community of people, who have taught them the value of family, compassion and respect. While my sons have different personalities, they are bound by a mutual respect for others and always try to do the good and right thing.
